you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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