I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
