Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
