Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's the barista slut.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
