please come you make the beer taste better
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
