My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
