Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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