If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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