In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
