My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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