The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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