With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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