Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
