I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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