Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
