Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
