She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
