I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
