I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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