A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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