yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
