I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
