I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
