you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
