im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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