You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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