He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
