oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
