Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
