he wants to bone in the snuggie
My pussy is not your playground.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
