hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
