Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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