The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
