I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
