Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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