Your face is a jimmy john
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
