You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
