I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
