I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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