she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
