Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
