Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
