Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
