weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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