I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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