Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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