no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
