I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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