I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
