So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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