Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
