I love black thongs
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
