I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
