Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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