How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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