Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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