This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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