You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
