I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
